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Archive for December 2018

New Year – New Self-Expression

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Inventory and Editing notes📝 for my projects mix well. I love you Lindsay. You taught me that my ADHD is a blessing. I was going to post a picture and and went to write a caption, and here we go…it’s a blog post!

I have loved my ability to forget.  My resentments don’t last very long, or so I thought.

I flip, forgive, apologize (sometimes) then completely forget. Forgetting is not an attribute. My mind is not my best friend in many ways. Because my mind forgets but my creative spirit is repressed when I don’t let go. Clinging is a weakness and letting go and moving forward is a strength. I once clinged to song and the melody left me.

I have been so egotistical, insecure and clingy that the very first time I wrote a song I refused to share it with the person I wrote it for. I went on to make another song instead.   The creative energy that God sent for me for that person, I diverted and wrote another song. A catchy little song, about someone that I had little connection to. People liked and thought it was funny. And I loved that! Ego was on supercharge. Because there was no way, I was willing to be vulnerable and let anyone know that I was in love. If I had sung to him instead of cursed him out, then use my energy to sing about something else…maybe he would of had a better reaction. Maybe he wouldn’t had walked away.

In the New Year, I aspire not to flip out anymore. There is no need to forget anyone or anything. Every experience helps me to grow. I just had to get flipping out, completely out of my system, for good. That’s why I posted that 17 min video of me ranting on my Artist page. Now it’s out of my system. I’m ready to just serve others and to do God’s work, daily.

When the whole world is looking at me, why am I flipping out on anyone? I wasn’t vibing with my inner self so it was very difficult to let people go. Today, I have people from China 🇨🇳 and India 🇮🇳 and everywhere contacting me and showing me love. I learned tonight that I’m doing a disservice to those that want to receive by chocking others. If I get mad, I’m just going to dance it off. It’s been working well. I danced today for hours and I didn’t even need to post about it or share my dance at all, I danced for myself.

If I ever told you off it’s because I cared. But now I care more about God, and serving others by making Art on a daily basis, and doing God’s work. I’ll love the world moving forward with Artistic finesse. Art heals all wounds, and Art therapy is exactly what I need. But even more than Art which I was never willing to admit before, I need the steps. God, then steps, and Artistic Expressions will follow and flow effortlessly. Imagine the possibilities, unblocked and healed.

My over the top emotion has been because I just wanted to sing, dance and perform all day. Can’t stop, won’t stop, so money.

Last summer, I was so scared to produce a song that I wrote about about a boy I liked so much because I thought he wouldn’t care. Fear driven and egotistical, I diverted and put all my energy into making a song that was suppose to be funny and playful but instead I upset my friend and offended his girlfriend. I didn’t mean to cause harm. I just wanted to sing so bad but I didn’t want to sing about who I really had that creative energy for. So I made a song about my friend and he was so confused about why I was making music for him when we were not that tight. We were just cool. I owe him and his girlfriend an amends. I was repressing my true Artistic creation. The song spread like wild fire as all thing incited by the devil that blocks God’s grace.

My other best friend Jillian was trying to explain this to me. But I didn’t get it when she said it to me. I get it now. I wasn’t self aware enough to understand what I did. I used my friend as a distraction from the truth and that was hurtful to everyone involved.

The song about the boy was the very first song I ever wrote and it sprung from love but I was too scared so I cursed him out a bunch of times instead. Two friends lost because I tried to trick my Creative Intelligence. Being true to myself and just dancing without intention, letting the creativity flow through my spirit without fear has led me to where I am today. I’m not mad at the entertainment industry for the systems they have in place like I said in my video. If I take a different approach, I am actually really grateful. I am grateful that the seeking of opportunity did not yield the fulfillment that creating my own opportunities has. It’s Pink, Arts and Peace, not Fuck You, let’s break some shit.

I didn’t allow myself to feel the melody for the lyrics I wrote. Perhaps someone else can find music to lyrical love muted by insecurity and self-doubt. No longer pregnant with emotion I can write about it. Now that it’s over I can say what I really meant to say to you at one time. I’m glad I kept it and didn’t throw it away. I wrote this 6 days after we met.

                                                                                                                             7/23

I  think about you, its true.

I think about us, its true.

I think about it, its true.

I’m obsessed, thinking sex, trying to rest, stay in the nest. But I’m obsessed.

Can’t even test this, this feeling is the best, it is.

I think about you, its true.

I think about us, its true.

I think about it, its true.

Can’t get away from the thought these feelings arrest me and you pass the test of love others failed.

Maybe its best if we don’t even rest and go where God test the love of the best.

I think about you, its true.

I think about us, its true.

I think about it, its true.

And there is no room to be blue.

I was pregnant with music for you . And I was physically sick for months because I didn’t want anyone to know. Letting go is a birth.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

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Written by sun2fpower

December 15, 2018 at 9:12 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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