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Thoughts

New Year – New Self-Expression

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Inventory and Editing notes📝 for my projects mix well. I love you Lindsay. You taught me that my ADHD is a blessing. I was going to post a picture and and went to write a caption, and here we go…it’s a blog post!

I have loved my ability to forget.  My resentments don’t last very long, or so I thought.

I flip, forgive, apologize (sometimes) then completely forget. Forgetting is not an attribute. My mind is not my best friend in many ways. Because my mind forgets but my creative spirit is repressed when I don’t let go. Clinging is a weakness and letting go and moving forward is a strength. I once clinged to song and the melody left me.

I have been so egotistical, insecure and clingy that the very first time I wrote a song I refused to share it with the person I wrote it for. I went on to make another song instead.   The creative energy that God sent for me for that person, I diverted and wrote another song. A catchy little song, about someone that I had little connection to. People liked and thought it was funny. And I loved that! Ego was on supercharge. Because there was no way, I was willing to be vulnerable and let anyone know that I was in love. If I had sung to him instead of cursed him out, then use my energy to sing about something else…maybe he would of had a better reaction. Maybe he wouldn’t had walked away.

In the New Year, I aspire not to flip out anymore. There is no need to forget anyone or anything. Every experience helps me to grow. I just had to get flipping out, completely out of my system, for good. That’s why I posted that 17 min video of me ranting on my Artist page. Now it’s out of my system. I’m ready to just serve others and to do God’s work, daily.

When the whole world is looking at me, why am I flipping out on anyone? I wasn’t vibing with my inner self so it was very difficult to let people go. Today, I have people from China 🇨🇳 and India 🇮🇳 and everywhere contacting me and showing me love. I learned tonight that I’m doing a disservice to those that want to receive by chocking others. If I get mad, I’m just going to dance it off. It’s been working well. I danced today for hours and I didn’t even need to post about it or share my dance at all, I danced for myself.

If I ever told you off it’s because I cared. But now I care more about God, and serving others by making Art on a daily basis, and doing God’s work. I’ll love the world moving forward with Artistic finesse. Art heals all wounds, and Art therapy is exactly what I need. But even more than Art which I was never willing to admit before, I need the steps. God, then steps, and Artistic Expressions will follow and flow effortlessly. Imagine the possibilities, unblocked and healed.

My over the top emotion has been because I just wanted to sing, dance and perform all day. Can’t stop, won’t stop, so money.

Last summer, I was so scared to produce a song that I wrote about about a boy I liked so much because I thought he wouldn’t care. Fear driven and egotistical, I diverted and put all my energy into making a song that was suppose to be funny and playful but instead I upset my friend and offended his girlfriend. I didn’t mean to cause harm. I just wanted to sing so bad but I didn’t want to sing about who I really had that creative energy for. So I made a song about my friend and he was so confused about why I was making music for him when we were not that tight. We were just cool. I owe him and his girlfriend an amends. I was repressing my true Artistic creation. The song spread like wild fire as all thing incited by the devil that blocks God’s grace.

My other best friend Jillian was trying to explain this to me. But I didn’t get it when she said it to me. I get it now. I wasn’t self aware enough to understand what I did. I used my friend as a distraction from the truth and that was hurtful to everyone involved.

The song about the boy was the very first song I ever wrote and it sprung from love but I was too scared so I cursed him out a bunch of times instead. Two friends lost because I tried to trick my Creative Intelligence. Being true to myself and just dancing without intention, letting the creativity flow through my spirit without fear has led me to where I am today. I’m not mad at the entertainment industry for the systems they have in place like I said in my video. If I take a different approach, I am actually really grateful. I am grateful that the seeking of opportunity did not yield the fulfillment that creating my own opportunities has. It’s Pink, Arts and Peace, not Fuck You, let’s break some shit.

I didn’t allow myself to feel the melody for the lyrics I wrote. Perhaps someone else can find music to lyrical love muted by insecurity and self-doubt. No longer pregnant with emotion I can write about it. Now that it’s over I can say what I really meant to say to you at one time. I’m glad I kept it and didn’t throw it away. I wrote this 6 days after we met.

                                                                                                                             7/23

I  think about you, its true.

I think about us, its true.

I think about it, its true.

I’m obsessed, thinking sex, trying to rest, stay in the nest. But I’m obsessed.

Can’t even test this, this feeling is the best, it is.

I think about you, its true.

I think about us, its true.

I think about it, its true.

Can’t get away from the thought these feelings arrest me and you pass the test of love others failed.

Maybe its best if we don’t even rest and go where God test the love of the best.

I think about you, its true.

I think about us, its true.

I think about it, its true.

And there is no room to be blue.

I was pregnant with music for you . And I was physically sick for months because I didn’t want anyone to know. Letting go is a birth.

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

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Written by sun2fpower

December 15, 2018 at 9:12 am

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Thoughts on Fame and Mainstream Art

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It works the other way around too. People aspire not to be rich or famous. A dream is a dream. It is not always Hollywood, fame and glamour that defines a valuable dream. Mainstream art being the only worthwhile art is bullshit. It is not the only art that exist and that is good. Anyone can appreciate Hamilton. Have you ever dared to see the skin and bones of theater? Or do you just appreciate what is popular? Do you only see beauty in the photoshopped, airbrushed and in the industry created standards of beauty? 

I’ve put off acting at many times during my life to raise children, purse higher education, take care of a home, a family, travel, live abroad or work a 9-5 job. But I have always known what my calling is. The arts are my world.

But I am so grateful that I took the time that I did. I did many other things. The time that I’ve taken to be a human being and not create has enabled me to become a better performer. I know what it is to be a waitress, a promo model, a career oriented woman, a mom, a student, a teacher, a friend, a party animal and now a woman in recovery. 

The other day someone said you’ll be discovered. And I said: “I am discovered.” I know who I am. I am already exactly who I want to be right now at this very moment. Money and fame are not a purpose. The purpose is happiness and doing God’s work. I didn’t choose to be an artist, art chose me to be its vessel.

If you think that I suck, that is what you see. I’m not here to influence your interpretation of my gift. I am just humbly here to share it with you. I don’t need to be discovered. I don’t need fame and fortune. I am famous in my fathers’ eyes. I’ve already made it. I am famous and fortunate. I get ignored because I’m too fucking real in this fake ass world of followers.

I don’t wait for the phone to ring to be called to perform. I make art every day. And once in a while I choose to share it with others. When you look at art what you see doesn’t come from me it comes from YOU. No one in this world is talentless. We are all gifted. I’m sorry if you see that in yourself. Pray and God will answer. 🎟 

When I post a retarded ass videos of me dancing CHOOSING not to use any technique at all. I do it to inspire others who want to dance so bad but don’t dare because they are too concern about how they look. You’re denying your birth right to move to the beat of a drum (which in essence is the primordial mimic of the human heart beat) because you didn’t take ballet classes. They think without technique they can’t express themselves. I’m here to tell you to be you. 

All these celebrities mentioned in the following YouTube video quit acting because they didn’t want fame to define them as a person. 

https://youtu.be/9dKZT9ndVX0

I’ve been avoiding fame because I don’t want fake ass love. I’ve turned down reality tv shows offers because I don’t consider it art. I never wanted to be rich or famous. I’ve just wanted to express myself. Fame sometimes steals the joy of self expression. That’s why the above referenced actors quit. Once famous, people can no longer express themselves freely without being subjected to the opinions of naysayers. 

Note to haters: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’ll dab on all you haters. Get on your knees and pray then meditate. Ask God to remove your negativity.

Get up, turn the music on and go dance; don’t look in the mirror. Put your phone down and go write something. Follow your dreams and stop trying to stop others from living theirs. Oh yeah and LOVE. Don’t be afraid. Love so fucking hard you’ll make them run and then love some more. You’re lifting spirits that’s why they ghost you. Love them anyway. But most importantly connect to your higher power and put God first. God is everything.

Sunflower Duran

Written by sun2fpower

November 20, 2018 at 7:18 am

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‘Like’ anything on facebook, you have given a penny for your thoughts

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The worst thing that has happened to me as a writer was getting published.  I’ve become a little vain.  I am a firm believer that vanity kills artistic ability.  But in this hyper-linked, hyper-stimulated, hyper-mediated society it seems that art itself is vanity.  A perfect example is the facebook “like” button.  I straight up asked my friends to “like” my article.  I even added “literally” for clarification.  It wasn’t trying get gratification that I had written something good.  I wanted to see the numbers.  I have never been so concerned with money in my life until yesterday.  A penny for your thoughts.  Or more like 1.4 cents per like, a little more per subscription, more for being sponsored and so on and so forth.

Facebook has monetized individual’s lives.  The old idea that being popular is cool has been the basis of facebook’s success.  That’s why people are quick to “like” K$sha on facebook and less quick to ‘like’ something one of their “friends” has posted.  Out of 400 “friends” less than 20 claimed to publicly “like” my article.  My best friend said he had to read it first.  And I said, “you don’t have to read it, just like it.”  After hearing my self say that, I realize I had developed a problem.

I earned $ 0.43 cents from the hits on my site before I told anybody about it.  I have to admit this was really exiting.  After that I was on a mission to promote the shit out of an article that I wrote for my local library just for fun.  As all of you who know me, and even those of you who don’t, may know…I spend lots of time on my mac and iphone.   The only compensation I have ever  received for all this effort has been getting good grades in my media courses at NYU.  I guess I thought for a moment that all my hard work could finally pay off.

But I realized that it has payed off already. Writing by itself is the gratifying.  And that anyone should read my work at all is an honor.  I thank all you who actually read my work whether you liked it or not.

I will keep reading and writing.  If you have an appreciation for classic film and would like to read my thoughts on Notorious (1946) directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring Cary Grant, and Ingrid Bergman here is the link below.

Pinkartspeace to you all,

Sunflower

Written by sun2fpower

April 13, 2011 at 2:03 am

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My Week Without Facebook

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At first, not being distracted every few minutes caused me more distraction. I continually felt like I was neglecting to do something. And I was. I wasn’t check-in on Foursquare. I wasn’t updating my status. I wasn’t reading other people’s status’ updates. I felt like I had closed a window that I was all too accustomed looking out of, and being looked at through. That first day without Facebook I had to continually remind myself not to open my Facebook app.  I had moved the app on my iphone from my first page of apps to the very last.  But I still continuously reached for my phone out of habit and only upon encountering the empty space where my iphone app had a place before was I reminded of my vow: “A Week Without Facebook.”

After I got use to not picking up my phone every few minutes to look at Facebook; I felt generally more relaxed and more present moment to moment. It was one less thing I had to do.  But I must admit, that I also felt a little selfish. I wasn’t sharing every great quote I’d encountered in a book anymore.  (As if people really care.) And I felt like I wasn’t keeping up with my friends as much. (As if people notice that there’s one less facebooker on their walls.) But that’s the feeling that Facebook gives you, that you’re in touch with everyone.  Thus I felt a little out of touch. But the truth is now I am more in touch. I’m more in touch with myself.

I came to this realization after having trouble talking about my trip to London to my friend Guy over lunch. Because I had already blogged about it, had already posted every single picture; I felt like I was repeating myself by actually talking about the trip.  He was quick to point out my absurdity.  I am grateful to him for it.  I also neglected to mail my brother pictures which is usually something that I’m on top of.  He is my very best friend.  And I always make sure to keep him in the loop first.  I also realized that my closest friends are not on Facebook at all.  And that my constant posting and check-in was rude to them.

My intention was never to quit Facebook.  I just wanted to take a step back and think about the impact that all this connectivity was having on me.  The irony of it all is that I was a little disconnected whilst all my connections.  The epiphany came to me while dinning alone.  I was in a restaurant waiting for my food while facebooking away.  And I thought to myself: this is a ridiculous habit of mine.  I’m dinning!  I should only be dinning.  No one else deserves my attention while I’m eating a $17.00 dollar cheeseburger.

As so it follows, I now have adopted one rule. I will not use my phone in anyway while eating even if no one else is around.

Written by sun2fpower

January 31, 2011 at 4:49 pm

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Thoughts on Being a Londoner During Winter Break – (The Juicy Stuff)

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Thoughts on Being a Londoner During Winter Break – (The Juicy Stuff)

I had a lot to think about during my flight back to New Jersey from London. Transnational Communities & Media Identities has been the best course I’ve taken during my academic career at New York University. I didn’t think it possible to learn so much in such a short period of time. The course provided me with the opportunity to experience London in a way that no touristic travel package could possibly offer. But aside from great academic accomplishment and fulfillment, I made friends.

Before the trip, the only thing on my mind was that I’d have more time to study while abroad. And I was very much looking forward to that.  I didn’t imagine that I’d spend anytime with my fellow classmates. We ended up having lunch and dinner together almost every day.  We also went on touristic excursions as a group.  I had not anticipated any of it. It was all really nice.

What I did expect was for the course to be very enriching and condensed, and it was.  During each class we had the honor of having the author of our day’s assigned reading as a guest speaker. Each speaker was a published and successful professional in his or her respective field. After class, we had field trips that helped put our newfound knowledge into context. The icing on the cake was the intellectual conversations with my classmates over lunch and dinner. It was truly an honor to be surrounded by such brilliant minds. I feel like my IQ went up a point or two just being around my roommate Stacy.

My other classmates are also amazing persons. We all love Takako. We had the honor of celebrating her birthday together. It was a two-day celebration. I don’t think any of us will ever forget it. The first evening was karaoke extravaganza. The following evening Ahmed and his friends, Walid and Paolo hosted a party at their flat for Takako. Our most hospitable hosts greeted us with champagne and hors d’ouvres.  Elise immortalized that evening with a single phrase.

Thanks to Farrell, I visited the best dessert shop in Paris and imported some macaroons back to London. During that trip to Paris, Es, Stacy, Chris and I became really good friends. Paris was only the beginning of the friendship we solidified throughout the rest of our stay in London.  Es is the firecracker and spark of our faction and we all love her dearly.  And we surely all learned not to push her buttons. I love you Es for being you!

Every time I think of Harry Potter I will remember Christina and Platform 9 ¾.  I also had an amazing time with Corrine and Takako at the theater.  We watched the most awesome production of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night together. Out of the whole group, Neeha had the greatest impression on me.  She is a truly beautiful and amazing girl.  I didn’t spend enough time with her and I hope to rectify that this semester. Neeha, Chris and I are all part of the graduating class of 2011.   Neeha and I are in the Media, Culture, and Communication program, and I’m looking forward to seeing her around campus this last semester of ours. I’m also looking forward to a group reunion with everyone in New York.

The most memorable person for me during this trip was Chris. We were the most compatible in terms of personality and sense of humor. I had my top moment in ditzy behavior when out to dinner with Chris. Chris stepped out to the men’s room, and when he came back found me holding my menu in a blazing fire. I’m sure he will tell that story to every one he knows over the course of his lifetime.  The place I almost burned down is one of the oldest pubs in London. It has a really interesting history. Novelist Andrew Lane writes:

My favourite pubs were all based around the Limehouse area, famous from Sax Rohmer’s Fu Manchu stories and from the all-too-real Jack the Ripper killings in 1888.  Best of was the Prospect of Whitby, which claims to be located on the site of London’s oldest riverside tavern, dating from around 1520.  ‘Hanging’ Judge Jeffreys used to drink there back in the 1680s, and Samuel Pepys and Charles Dickens had the odd pint there as well. Legend has it criminals were left tied up the posts supporting its riverside frontage (from which Turner and Whistler made sketches) and left to drown.

Gladly, Chris came to my rescue and blew out my blazing menu. The Prospect of Whitby still exists.

While on the subject of appreciation, I must also give thanks to our wonderful professor Radha whom we owe the honor of this experience to. Robert our teacher’s assistant, was also instrumental in helping us crystalize our vision for our research project. I’m sure I’ll be meeting with him and Radha in the weeks to come for further guidance on my writing project in progress.

But without the love of my life none of this would have ever been possible.  My utter appreciation goes out to you, Viejo.

Yours truly,

Sunflower

Written by sun2fpower

January 16, 2011 at 3:12 am

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American English to British English Dictionary

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American English to British English Dictionary

You don’t go to a place without taking something from it.  During my stay here in England, I have learned some British English.  I would like to share some of the words that I’ve encountered and have found quite peculiar.

Advice Columnist Agony Aunt
Alcopop Girly Drinks
Alright Alreet
America Across the Pond
Answering Machine Ansafone
Anyway Anyroad
Beer Ale
Commercial Advert
Counter-clockwise Anti-clockwise
Desserts Afters
Drunk Arseholed
Eggplant Aubergine
Elevator Lifts
Garbage Rubbish
Hello Aye-Up
Queu Line
Restroom Toilet
Stairs Apples & Pears
Yeah Aye

Cheers!

Sunflower Read the rest of this entry »

Written by sun2fpower

January 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

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Chinese Migration in London

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Chinese Migration in London

Scottish Ethnographer Eona Bell talked to our class about the shifting values of speaking Chinese in Britain.  She described the process as “ducks talking to chickens.”   The children of Chinese immigrants are speaking mostly English and some of the parents and grandparents of these British born children are finding it difficult to communicate with their kids. The older generation feels that holding on to the Chinese language is equivalent to holding on their Chinese culture and values.  However, it’s hard for these kids to hold on to their Chinese heritage when they’re the minority.

The Chinese population in Britain is only about 4%.  On the other hand, the Anglo-Saxon or white population is 92.1%.  Some of the stereotypes associated with Chinese people in England are that they all have take-away (take-out) restaurants, or have cannabis farms.  For the kids of Chinese immigrants the stereotype is that they are all well-mannered, and hard working students.   For those who the stereotype rings true, it creates a huge disparity between the first generation children and their parents.  Bells says that there is an emotional cost that comes with upward social mobility.  The Chinese immigrants sometimes sacrifice their culture and values for the sake of the kids.

Yours Truly,

Sunflower

Written by sun2fpower

January 12, 2011 at 6:31 pm

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